In Like a Lion…named Leo.
March 2011: I have entered the survivorship phase of my trek. Funny thing about the surviorship part of cancer, for me, at least, has been the fact that I sometimes forget. I continue to be surprised that people are surprised that I look well. It goes down like this: “You look really good!” Dumbfounded pause on my part as I try to figure out why I wouldn’t look good. Then it clicks in my head, Oh, the cancer thing! I say “Thanks!” Then wonder if they noticed my confusion. When I was reading the Lance Armstrong biography, he expressed how he felt more impatient at this stage. Like, he should be doing more to fight off the cancer. He felt that all the treatments were a working towards being well again. Me, I felt a sense of closure. The day I walked out of medical complex from chemo, I felt like I had gone through the valley of death and come out only singed. I was better just because I didn’t not have to go back.
March has been my favorite month since I was 4-years-old. That year the wind caught me at the corner of my cousin’s house, I put up my arms and felt my body almost lift up. That amazing feeling has always stuck with me. I chose to marry in March and four years and a day later became a mother (then the two following months brought elaborate joy a few years later, with baby no. 2 then no. 3.) I have no need to be wary of the ides of March, they have been good to me.
This March was notable as well. I started my bigger-than-me project: Pink Link Foundation, Inc. I am excited and nervous.
My new endeavor has made me more aware of the fact that I have always been systematic. Systematic, meaning that I am always trying to figure out a better way to accomplish a task. I want to make it all more efficient. (Sadly I even map my crossing of the kitchen to grab/or put away/wipe/shut/ whatever is needed as I pass.) Every job I ever had, I figured out the routine then honed it to make sure I could find the simplest track to mainstream and accomplish each segment the quickest manner possible. And well I am good at it. But the ideas for all the projects I want Pink Link to establish just keep flowing. I become emotional often thinking of all those in need help. Then the ideas froth on how I have to make my machine work with the least amount of resistance. I see now how to implement all factors down to how to show others to fold the event T-shirts (crazy, but true.) All that said to note that I realize my mission.
My mission is accepting that this really was not all about me. I hope I can impart my chai. No one should fear death, we should be more afraid of not living.
Moving on to my tip for the month:
I have altered my diet, but most people don’t realize, what you use to prepare your food is just as important.
I still have my stainless steel cookware because I have yet to afford to replace the set. Steel (whether stainless or not) is an alloy of different metals; one of which is often aluminum in cookware. Aluminum absorbs into your food. It is a heavy metal. It is toxic to your body and is hard (but not impossible) to cleanse out of your system.
I try to use my Vision Ware pots or iron skillets for the stove top. If I microwave, I only use glass or porcelain. I bake with my glass and Corning ware. And the crock pot is safe as well.
I urge you to not microwave using plastic containers and [heaven forbid] Styrofoam!
Baking should not involve aluminum pans!
Non-stick = non-healthy! I put olive oil in my iron skillets after I cook and sticking is minimal. Hint: grilling toast or English muffins (sans butter) in the iron skillet with a bit olive oil is quite tasty.
It takes awhile to grasp another way of doing things but it is well worth it. And do some investigating on your own if you have doubts. I am only sharing the few things I have learned and try to implement in my family's life.
My survivorship consists of everyday making the healthy decisions: taking my estrogen-blocking pill (for the next 5 years), vitamins, lots of fruits and veggies, exercise and living as organic and chemical-free as possible. But these things are more unconscious now. I know why I am doing it but I dwell on the long life to procure not the worry of life being stolen. It is weird I suppose but cancer seems more like a scar (literally in some respects). Like, one of those scars you get on your knee as a child when you fell off your bike. Then many years after it has healed someone notices it and then you remember how and why it exists. The scar is apart of you but you don’t dwell on it anymore.
I realize I had cancer…then cancer had me. Cancer did not survive me.
The other day my oldest daughter and I are reading a book on earth and space. We happen upon the study of stars and they make note of how the astrological names came into being (some Greek thing.) She looks at me and says, “Mom, maybe Cancer should be your sign.” I laugh and respond, “Why, because I had it.” But it made me wonder why the disease has the same moniker. I will have to research this animal. Until next month, much love from the happy Leo.
